The Devil’s Cell Phone

© Words and music by Ray Scudero. All rights reserved.

The night was clear and the moon was full, so I went out for a stroll,
When the lightning crashed and the thunder flashed and it scared me to my soul.
And a fireball dropped from the starry sky, close by I watched it land,
And who walked out but the Devil himself with a cellular in his hand.
A cellular in his hand, a cellular in his hand,
And who walked out but the Devil himself with a cellular in his hand.

“Hello,” says I, “and how do you do, and what are you doing here?”
He said, “Hello yourself! Who wants to know?” and he sneered as he came near.
“If you’re looking for a deal with me, old son, you’re wasting your time and mine;
“Your soul’s not worth my time on earth; I’ve bigger fish to fry.
“I’ve bigger fish to fry, I’ve bigger fish to fry,
“Your soul’s not worth my time on earth; I’ve bigger fish to fry.”

He said, “I just got through with a president, I’m about to call a king,
“And a secretary of state or two and a man with a software thing.
“My clients are all heads of state—big business is my game, you see—
“I’m here for a deal with your PM and his worst enemy.
“And his worst enemy, and his worst enemy,
“I’m here for a deal with your PM and his worst enemy.”

“Well, excuse me, Scratch, but it seems to me that the deal’s already done;
“Someone’s beat you to the punch; they signed up with your son.
“The pact was made some years ago, sure I remember well,
“And since that day, we’ve had to pay: the country’s gone to hell.
“The country’s gone to hell, the country’s gone to hell,
“And since that day, we’ve had to pay: the country’s gone to hell.”

He said, “Well, I’ll be damned!” and he disappeared in a crimson fireball.
But there on the ground where the devil had stood was the darnedest thing of all:
Still steaming from his fiery breath—I keep it charged up well—
And I intercept all the Devil’s calls and I tell ’em to go to hell.
I tell ’em to go to hell, I tell ’em to go to hell,
And I intercept all the Devil’s calls and I tell ’em to go to hell.

The Devil came back just the other day to retrieve his portable phone,
But I refused to give it back till he leaves us all alone.
He said, “I’ll do what I can, my friend, but only time will tell,”
And if you want to make a deal with the Devil himself, you can dial direct to hell.
You can dial direct to hell, you can dial direct to hell,
And if you want to make a deal with the Devil himself, you can dial direct to hell!




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