chorus:

So you think you’ve got troubles,
The more you try the worse it gets,
So you think the world don’t like you,
Well brother, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.

1.

Well my car sounds like an old tin can,
My wife ran off with another man,
I sprained a muscle in my fishin’ hand,
And my income tax is due.

I lost all my money in a poker game,
I think my left leg’s goin’ lame,
My brother asked me to change my name,
And that’s just what I think I’ll do.

2.

My doctor told me not to smoke,
Drink nothin’ stronger than a coke,
I ain’t even s’posed to hear a dirty joke,
I might laugh and strain my heart.

I’ve had every ailment known to man,
From african mumps to the dishpan hand,
Lost every race I ever ran,
Didn’t even get a start.

3.

Some people say I’m a pessimist,
And that I out to make the best of this,
So maybe I am a pessimist,
That’s one thing I wouldn’t know.

There’s one thing I do know, I’ll tell you right now,
I’m milking the wrong end of this old cow,
There’s too many wrinkles on this boy’s brow,
That something’s got to go.

coda:

Gonna put me a bar in the back of my car,
And drive myself to drink